Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize