Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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