well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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