I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
