Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
