Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
