i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
