i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
