My hand turned me down
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
