I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
