In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
