Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
