Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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