david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize