In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
