Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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