so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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