if you like me you must not know who I am
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
