no you cant smoke seaweed
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
