i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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