Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
