A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
