pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have feelings that need drinking.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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