Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
