Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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