I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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