Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
