i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
