I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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