two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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