i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
