I faked an abortion last night.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
