so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
