Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
