dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
