Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
