if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
