i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize