i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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