C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
