You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
