Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
