There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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