You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
