He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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