Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
is wine microwaveable?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
