I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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