if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
