The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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