Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize