Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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