The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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