I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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