Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
