You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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