I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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