Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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