Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
