Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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