Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
