I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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