Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
