Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
