so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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