70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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