i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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