apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
