I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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