dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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