the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
