well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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