it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
