did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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